Controversial and chaotic – that’s “ARTPOP”, Lady Gaga’s fourth studio album. We all know that several projects from the era were canceled due to internal issues – R.I.P. “Venus” music video and “ARTPOP ACT II” – but what many don’t know is that a pitch for the “MANiCURE” music video, directed by Jonas Åkerlund (“Paparazzi”, “Telephone”, “John Wayne”), was made for the label. The third version of this script only surfaced online years later, on November 11, 2023 — and it’s as insane as it is fascinating.
Titled “MANiCURE: A Good Quick Fuck”, the script carries Jonas Åkerlund’s visual and narrative signature at its most extreme: quick cuts, frantic editing, and a delirious universe that blends satire, criticism, sexuality, and pop culture in a dizzying three-minute spiral. The document presents the video as the closing chapter of a trilogy that began with “Paparazzi” and continued with “Telephone”, now concluded in a Hollywood breakdown called “MANiCURE”.
Hollywood, Sex, and Blood
The story begins with Gaga waking up amidst the chaos of Beverly Hills. She shares the scene with other pop culture figures: Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, and Britney Spears. After a less-than-glamorous awakening, she undergoes intensive treatment at a spa, interspersed with choreographed routines featuring nude dancers and facial injections.
From there, the video unfolds in a sequence of increasingly absurd and provocative acts: a beauty salon flashing the word “MAN CURE,” a street choreography where a man gets distracted by the girls and literally splits into four, and a brothel-department store with themed prostitute windows, where famous clients participate in voyeuristic scenes.
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Among the names mentioned as potential characters: Selena Gomez, Justin Bieber, Kris Jenner, Kanye West, Jared Leto, Naomi Campbell, and even… Kermit the Frog from The Muppets, in an intimate encounter with Big Bird. All of this is laced with sex, fetishes, sharp humor, and graphic violence. A visual delirium that flirts with artistic pornography and deliberate absurdity.
Pop References and the Return of the Pussy Wagon
Amidst the madness, Gaga performs for Charlie Sheen, murders happen (including the shooting execution of Lindsay Lohan), and celebrities flee in panic as Heidi Fleiss releases a flock of birds. Gaga, wearing a tiara, drags Lindsay’s body into the trunk of a hearse decorated with Hello Kitty and drives down Sunset Boulevard.
The climax of the script is a violent physical fight between Gaga and Lindsay, with Miss America crowns, broken teeth, and blood everywhere. To wrap things up, Beyoncé — in her “Telephone” outfit — opens the door for Gaga and receives a stack of money. The video ends with Lindsay and a Prince Harry lookalike fleeing in the iconic Pussy Wagon, giving the middle finger to spell out “MANiCURE.”
The video the label wouldn’t let be born
With explicit references, improbable cameos, and scenes that defy any broadcast standard, it’s not hard to understand why the project was shelved. But the leak of the script shows us what “ARTPOP” truly wanted to be: exaggerated, unfiltered, and absolutely free.
Lady Gaga may never have recorded this music video, but the mere existence of this document proves that the “ARTPOP” era still holds secrets that the pop world might never be ready to see.